The Cure For The Common Clone

It's one of the truths of evolution: diverse roots make for a stronger gene pool.

Continuing on our exploration on how to keep moving with the changes with the bellydance economy, I wanted to try and tackle something I have heard a lot of folks comment on over the last few years: the homogenizing of dance styles.  More specifically, personal style being overpowered by cloning/copying - meaning that X, Y, and Z dancers all look like A dancer - moves, make-up, music, costuming, facial expression - mostly devoid of their own personal sparkle in the equation.

But wait! All artists must learn from the masters, and they learn by copying! 

Yes, but as an artist transitions from being a student to being a professional (on their way to being a master themselves right?), they are expected to start producing their own unique material.  And if you copy from only one style of master (say the Impressionists), then you're narrowing your educational base severely.  Also, learning isn't about only picking to study what you like.  There are plenty of art movements/styles I don't personally like, but I still needed to learn about them. Why? Because having a strong foundation means having more to choose from as I grow - that I understand the history, the rules - and how they were broken.

No matter how much I may love the artwork of Andrew Wyeth, if I put up a show of consisting of paintings copied directly from his work, but presented it as my own at a gallery, it wouldn't fly. I could use a similar style of painting, approach to light and subject matter, but the imagery and expression would need to be entirely me.  So students copying their favorite dancers and trying the material out at recitals and haflas, or dancers presenting choreography as a homage to a certain dancer (with permission/fitting a themed show) is one thing - but if you're claiming to be a professional dancer, you'd better be presenting your own work. The same is true for teaching.

But wait! There was such an explosion in the dance community over the last 15 years - more teachers, more access to material, online videos, more shows, more workshops, more festivals - shouldn't that mean more diversity?

It could, but booms also mean that things move faster than perhaps what is best - so more teachers with less training, more performers without proper backgrounds, more and more events produced by folks without experience or focus, etc - essentially leading to over-saturation.  And as the economy continues to get more precarious, event producers have been more likely to to hire names that they may think will guarantee their investment - but even those names will stop selling out their workshops when all of the events seem to have the same names, and there are less students to go around.  And if the majority of those names all have the same background/style, then the students are essentially learning from the same genepool, producing more of the same.

How was it different 10, 15, 20+ years ago? Fewer events meant that there were less chances to study  which means taking advantage of that event when it happened in or near your town. More often than not, those local events also only featured one or a few teachers, versus a large roster festival (destination event!), so the producers cycled instructors and styles taught every year.  So no matter what style you learned from your weekly instructor, you got an infusion of something different a few times a year that definitely impacted how you saw the dance.

Weekly in-person classes - another changing creature.  DVDs and online classes are great for on-demand instruction - and exposure to diversity (if you make those choices) but you're not going to get the same level of feedback (if ANY - cause if one of my DVDs starts giving you feedback, it's probably possessed...) one gets in a weekly class.

Another factor is the Combo-Nation. ATS, ITS and assorted TS variants are based on a system of codified combinations devised to allow for cohesive group dancing.  While different troupes can surely come up with their own combos or "accents" on existing combos, the system is still inherently based on clearly identifiable moves that are performed for a set number of beats, counts, etc. Not that there is anything wrong with that in itself, but when a dancer decides to branch out into dancing solo (which was at the root of Tribal Fusion when it started), it can be very hard to break out of using that system.  Another by-product of that system is the tendency to override the music - while a combo could be fast or slow (and therefore applied to fast or slow music), unless it was crafted and choreographed for a very specific section of that music, it can rarely capture all, let alone even some, of the nuance of the music, if it has to be in so many repeated counts with certain movements.  If the dancer hasn't been immersed in how Arabic music works and the art of improvisation without relying on combinations, something special is lost in translation when they move into a soloist format.

But if that's what all the community/audience has seen and accepted as bellydance for the last decade, it unfortunately becomes the standard.  And folks like to follow what's popular - it's safe.

(Here lies the ironic situation of now being that cranky older dancer going "damn kids, get off my lawn! that's not bellydance!" which is pretty much what I heard 15+ years ago bringing Gothic Bellydance on the scene.  Is it the same? Not quite, because we mostly understood what rules we were breaking back then, and had the foundation.  The drama was more about fear of dark concepts and looking weird making it "not bellydance" verus not understanding the music, improvisation, or cloning someone else.) 

So what am I doing about it?

I am very proud of the fact that of my students who have gone on to be professionals - none of them look like Tempest-clones. (If you see such a thing, it is most likely someone who hasn't studied with me personally.) How/why? I teach foundation of music, movement, and culture alongside fusion concepts. I encourage them to dance and dress to what suited their bodies and personalities.  I recommend other teachers and workshops for them to study with.  And I'm always studying myself as well - never stop learning!

I produce bellydance events designed to introduce them to concepts beyond what I offer - particularly Waking Persephone. I have designed WP to be an event that offers any style of dancer a complete experience that gives them a buffet of choices.  I have heard some ill-informed snarkery that seems to think because we don't have certain "big names" in our line-up, that we're somehow poorer for it, or didn't have "connections." (insert maniacal laughing) As if hiring a famous dancer was some big elusive mystery (it's not) or that I haven't been an internationally-hired teacher/performer for at least a decade now and didn't know pretty much everyone (I am and I do).  Nope. I could build the perfect formula event based on the usual model, but I'm not interested in that. The point of WP is to focus on folks who are doing things differently, who you may not have heard of already (but should get toknow), and to give established folks a chance to do something they're really excited about, but rarely get to offer. It's essentially an exercise of the Anti-Popularity Game. It's rather risky because we're going against the grain, but the results make it oh so worthwhile.Every year, we help more dancers find their own personal styles, learn to speak with their own voices, and grow their foundation.  That is pure win.

(Yeah, that was some shameless self-promo, but this is my blog.)

So worried that your dance feels like something from the Bellydance Borg? Here are some things to consider:

• When was the last time you took a weekly class?  If that's not available, how about a workshop?  How about a private lesson?

• When was the last time you took a workshop with someone you hadn't heard of/outside of your style?  Next event, check out the OTHER names on the list and sign up for something different.
• If you're coming from a TS/TF background, be sure to study some Oriental/Cabaret, and in particular, learn more about Arabic music.

• Add to your practice some free-flow taqsim (no combos), for 1-3 songs.
• Costume for your own body and for your own personal tastes.
• Want to see someone different at your local event? Let the producer know!
• Consider what it is you want to say with your dance - because you should be saying something, in your own voice. 

Raq on folks!

A Tribal Fest History & Homecoming

2015 - Photo by Carrie Meyer

(A little late in posting this - but have been on tour for the last month, so not much time to collect my thoughts! And there are a lot of them...)This year marks 13 years of attending Tribal Fest.  The only ones I have missed were the very first one and Tribal Fest 14 (last year - as the band was hired to play at Steampunk World's Fair in NJ - which is alas, always the same weekend as TF - but we did make a 2 week tour of it!).

My journey into the world of bellydance came via a friend's recommendation that I check out this amazing troupe she had seen performing at a San Francisco street fair.  That troupe was Fat Chance and even in the way back early days of the internet, I found myself going down a fantastic rabbit hole of pictures, articles, and discussion threads.  I read (and re-read) numerous articles and interviews by Kajira Djoumahna, author of The Tribal Bible and founder of United We Dance (which evolved into BlackSheep BellyDance). Through following her work, I found out about the first Tribal Festival that was about to take place - in some place called Sebastopol, California.  A recent college graduate, supporting 2 on an hourly wage as a gallery assistant and having no idea of how to even financially manage a trip to CA, I felt miserably stuck all the way in Rhode Island, unable to attend this mystical event.

2015 - Tish, Nathaniel, and Tempest

So you can bet your binti bells, when I moved to the Bay Area of California the following November, Tribal Fest was top of my list! When TF2 rolled around finally, the same friend who had introduced me to FCBD and I set off towards Sebastopol to see what it was all about. The drive up was a comedy of errors, including getting ourselves trapped and detoured by the Bay to Breakers run and the infamous 101 traffic - but we did eventually make it up there that rainy afternoon.  I remember being overwhelmed by the amount of beautifulshiny things for sale and the amazing performances.

And after that, every year, I have been involved in some shape or form - first with performing and vending, and then adding teaching to the list a couple of years down the line, organizing gatherings (the first Motif in 2007, and live music afterparties at Aubergine) - as well as helping out graphic design in some shape or another.  Through Tribal Fest I have studied with amazing legends of the dance - and shared the stage with them(!), met countless wonderful people from all over the world, shared my ideas with fantastic students, my designs and art with even more folks.  I have encouraged so many folks to attend, including dragging friends out from the far reaches of the East Coast! And even when I moved all the way back East in mid 2007, I still trekked out every year from NJ or RI - to be reunited with my extended bellydance family.

Though I also have to say, it wasn't all butterflies and hipdrops. As I advanced along in my dance journey/career, the vibe started to change for me - I think around 2007. There are so many factors contributing to that feeling over the next 6 years that it's unfair to place the weight of it on one thing in particular.  Instead a culmination of personal issues stemming from relationships, a feeling that there was more of a focus on "what's cool/popular/how weird" by performers/audience than of "what makes good bellydance," making for a stressed greenroom and terrifying stage (unless I was dueting with Anaar, then everything was peachy), less of the super friendly folks from the midwest/east coast attending (due to the rise of some really great events out those ways), dealing with other people's drama llamas, and the stress of having a vending table directly in the auditorium - as it got more and more crowded each year, and the show grew longer hours. (Not ideal for an introvert who relishes quiet.) The mix of all these things made my experiences bittersweet - there were things I truly still enjoyed, but I was also stressed about a lot of things too.

The Decision - Photo by Geish Moth

When 2013 rolled around, being in a new and healthy relationship - and moving to an outdoor vending spot made a huge difference in my outlook.  I was focusing on being more positive and putting negative experiences in the past. However, a few of the folks I encountered weren't on the same page, and that was extremely disheartening.  So I have to confess to being a tiny bit relieved when we were booked for the east coast in 2014.  But it was definitely weird being surrounded by steampunks instead of dancers for that weekend - and watching friends post TF photos of everything that was going on! I felt displaced.

With an invitation to teach in 2015 and the theme of family reunion, I wondered how this year's experience would be.  How would it differ from previous years? How would the changing bellydance economy effect everything? How would it go with some of the "usual suspects" missing? I mentally tried to brace myself for it all.

Didi and Tempest in the Green Room

And you know what?  It was WONDERFUL. Not only did it have all of the sweet parts from years before, but there was an overwhelming positive vibe surrounding everything (at least to me).  Vending went extremely well - probably due to the new Mago Djinn line and focusing more on my artwork.  My workshops were well-attended with enthusiastic students, and I felt great about my performance (which had felt a bit risky coming into it). But what really was the icing on the cake was all of the positive interactions I had with so many people - old and new faces alike.  On one hand, there were so many new folks, coming to Tribal Fest for the first year - and they brought their excitement with them! (Hilary from PA gave me several beautiful flower crowns over the course of the event, that she handmade from the local wildflowers ;))  On the other side, there were long-term folks reaching out, and starting new positive threads. And other folks in my close circle of friends also reported the same.  This news lifts my heart so much on what it means for the bellydance community in general.

The Mago Djinn/Owlkeyme Arts Booth

Some of my favorite moments: watching the opening ritual with Guedra Blessing with Amel Tafsout, catching some of our Waking Persephone teachers perform, spending time with old and new friends, doing some incredible shopping at the Tuareg Jewelry booth (I may have sold my soul to Terri, but I am OK with that), hanging out with Geisha Moth and making use of her special lounge area, and lots of good discussions with fabulous people.

And I'm stupid excited already for next year. I really am!  If you haven't been to Tribal Fest yet - or perhaps haven't been in a while, then I would seriously consider coming in 2016.  And the theme has a sci-fi twist to it: "Dance Long & Prosper" - what's not to love? I think it's going to be a blast!

Lastly, here is my performance, music is "When The Wolves Return" by Ego Likeness - thanks so much to Donna and Steven for letting me dance to it before it was "officially" released:

Healing The Hater, Part I

Why do people hate?

Sometimes hate is born of a grudge or past transgression -and serves as a form of protection (though doubly barbed inside and out) - but most of the time hatred is rooted in misunderstanding, fear, and insecurity.  Hate tends to be something we learn from someone else - hearing what family or friends say as we're growing up, what we hear down the line from peers as adults, etc.

As human beings, we are given to fearing or mistrusting that which we find unfamiliar or different from ourselves.  There's an underlying drive to feel part of a group, to feel accepted and familiar. Then there's a point in our development of self and personality where we can find excitement in the unfamiliar and embrace the different - or absolutely abhor it.  Perhaps it's a vestige of a survival instinct or really a matter of personality (nature vs. nurture) - but in modern-day society, the sense of difference tends to pare down to "does that make them better or lesser than me?"  If one is fully secure in one's own self, that question never even comes to the surface. But that's not such an easy state to get to either.

I want you to think about someone you extremely dislike or disliked in your life.  Think about how it makes/made you feel to be around them, to have to interact with them, or hear someone mention their name/talk about them. You most likely felt a mix of anger and anxiety - a bad feeling from your chest to your gut - and perhaps panic as well.  Not a nice way to feel, is it?  But at least it would tend to go away after the experience was over, for the time being, though it probably left you feeling a bit dirty.  Like that feeling corrupted your peace of mind and body, and left a residue. Not very healthy is it? Hate is essentially raging an energy war that flares up every time that you run into that person.

Now imagine if those same feelings and energy weren't directed at another person, but instead at yourself.  And not just you as a person, but a particular part of your body.  Perhaps that body part doesn't fit within society's so-called standards of "beauty", or maybe it doesn't function as well as it used to. Maybe you were fine with it until somebody made you feel ashamed about it.  Whatever the reason, it falls into this category of being "Other" - something that is a part of you that makes you devalue yourself.

It's a part of you, and it's not easily going away.  Which means you have declared war on yourself - on some level, you are constantly throwing that negative energy at YOUR OWN SELF. Which isn't a healthy state to exist in emotionally, mentally, physically, or spiritually.

In the many years I have been teaching dance and traveling all over the world, I have found no shortage of dancers who hate something about themselves, especially while they are comparing themselves to other dancers.  I have heard "well, I can't dance until I....(fill in the blank with some sort of body-related issue)" - which often means, they're not dancing at all.  Or they're constantly going through cycles where they are dancing/not dancing - and often fighting more health issues along the way. Further compounded by our healthcare system that tends to treat the symptoms, but not the source.

Right now you may be saying, "Oh Tempest, sure I get it - now you're just saying if I throw 'love and light' at myself, all of my problems will go away...NOT."

Nope. I'm not saying that, and those who actually know me, know I'm not all "love and light and fluffy bunnies."  Well, I'm all about fluffy bunnies.  Because bunnies! But I don't believe throwing glitter at problems makes them go away - that's pretty much the treat the symptom, not the cause all over again.

What I'm talking about is taking some time with yourself and examine the root of your self-hate. Stress often manifests itself in a variety of very physical issues - affecting your digestion, your skin/hair, your weight, etc.  And if you're throwing hate at those parts, it's not going to make them get better. That's like trying to get a plant to flower while giving it acid instead of water, darkness instead of sunlight, and a smaller pot versus ample room to grow. Instead, the cycle will continue to spiral downward, and take you with it.

If you find that stress is at the root of your issues, I very much know that it's not easy to simply remove stress from your life, but there are always ways to change/improve the situation - if you really truly want change.  Sometimes it requires serious, big change - but if that's what makes you healthy and happy, then it'll be worth it. (Personal example - from about 2009-2011, I was losing my hair, or at least the hair on my scalp, and the doctors had no clue why.  They just had shampoos, tonics, lotions, and talk of biopsies to offer me.  I realized I was deeply unhappy and in a relationship that was unhealthy for me that I couldn't make any better. It took a great deal of pain and change to start a new life...but within weeks of that, my hair started growing back, skin issues cleared up, etc. That was the start of a new journey, a new me...)

But maybe it's a learned behavior that's the problem.  A feeling that your body or part of your body is too big, or too small or doesn't look "right." Someone made fun of you, someone said you weren't pretty/beautiful, that you were fat or flat-chested. First, why are you letting someone else's opinion (rooted in their own insecurity) determine YOU? Secondly, compared to whom?? How you are put together is what makes you, YOU.  Celebrate those parts that make you up while focusing more of what makes you special.  Every person has a feature that someone else wants, EVERYONE.

So for this, I'm going to propose something you may find silly, but trust me on this.  I want you to make a little altar or shrine to you (or to that body part/system), and start to be NICE to it. Every day. You can put affirmations in a jar, buy flowers, have a pep talk - anything that is positive.  True, it may feel silly, but consider where you have been - this is essentially the opposite.  This is the fresh water, sunlight, and space you were denying yourself.  This will change your war to a truce...and possibly get you on the road to being friends again with you. And that's where everything good begins.

Temptress's Coffeepot: 10 Secrets of How To Achieve Bellydance Fame & Success...*

Looking for the fast track? Here it is!*

1) Haven't studied dance for very long? It's ok - you can mix a whole bunch of unrelated things together and call it fusion! Nobody will ever be the wiser, and you'll look super cool.

2) Still worried that your moves aren't up to snuff? Make sure to wear a bra that doesn't fit properly - whether it gives you sideboob, the cups aren't big enough, or the straps are too long, nothing will take the audience's attention away from poor technique like boobs that may burst out at any moment.  (For guys, this means wearing costuming that may reveal your prince at any moment, and/or which religion you could be.)

3) You know what else the audience loves to see? Your crotch and various shaving habits.  Nothing makes an evening of dance quite like a good shot of your crotch sans underwear. Woohoo! Or is that hoo-ha?  Bonus Tip: be sure all of your backbends are done with your crotch aimed at the audience.

4) Practicing with your prop is overrated. Props are just things to distract the audience anyway and keep them occupied. Bonus points if you have never even picked it up prior to going on stage before.

5) The height of theatrical proficiency is dropping your veil in the smack center of the stage...and then trampling over it several times during the course of your performance.  Exert your dominance over that veil!  And then be sure to bend over to pick it up with your butt to the audience for that final view of you.

6) You don't actually NEED to study any other forms of dance you are thinking of fusing into your performances or costuming.  A half-hour of  watching Youtube videos should cover it. Who really wants to learn about appreciating culture and history? In fact, you can learn everything you need to know about bellydance from 6 weeks of classes...and then start teaching it!

7) Don't ever undercut for a performance - unless it's for exposure, then that is totally OK. Similarly, it's totally OK to bitch about people undercutting you for performing meanwhile supporting businesses that knock-off small community designers/artisans, and/or promote sweatshop work.  Also, don't forget to try and bargain down the services of photographers, musicians, and costumers - don't they KNOW who you ARE?

8) On that note....Want to be seen as a big-name?  Treat everyone else around you like peons - they will assume you have greater abilities and load reverence and respect upon you.  Because of course all the big-names must be divas.  Disrespecting everyone else is how you get up in the world.

9) ) When you get into the dressing room or green room, spread your stuff over EVERYTHING.  Yeah, there's 20 other folks who need to get in there too, but you got there first, and everyone will respect you for claiming your territory so gloriously. Obviously you are VERY important!

10) Lastly, whether you have already performed or are waiting to go on, do NOT pay attention to whomever is on stage.  Be sure to be extra loud in talking to your friends, extra snarky, especially near any video camera.  This dance is all about you anyway.

(*complete title is: "10 Secrets of How To Achieve Bellydance Fame & Success In All The Wrong Ways" - Happy April!)

The Eye of the Beholder

When you watch a dancer, what are you looking at and why? What wows you the most?

 Have you ever gone back to watch a video of a specific dancer or style of dance that blew you away years ago, but doesn't give you the same feeling now - or perhaps the exact opposite? Something you thought was "boring" has now become captivating?

Ever wonder what changed?

I'm not saying it was aliens, but....

(Just kidding...)

What changed was you. Really.

An integral part of my formal fine art and design training over the years has been the task of considering the audience.  This means thinking about what will capture their attention, how it will make them think, and what it may make them feel. It also means contemplating who your audience is. For a fine artist, the sum of this work is to consider how much of impact your work may have on others, so that you're not just creating art in a vacuum. For designers, it's about selling product (services, items, ideas). And well, sometimes both worlds overlap - and it certainly applicable to the performing arts.

In the realm of my professional work as a designer, this trained me to watch how people react to things: what they get excited about, what they dislike, what causes a trend. Not just for art or jewelry, but for dance as well. It's really quite fascinating - both in person and online. (Peoplewatching!)

So back to you: Your own experiences inform and flavor everything you see.  The more you learn about something, the more you will see - and how easy or difficult that process was for you personally will also affect what you see.

What do I mean?

Think back to the first time you ever saw a dancer perform live, prior to taking classes/starting your dance journey. You most likely took her (or him) in as a complete experience - the fluidity and grace of the movements, the sparkle and flash of the costume, their smile and gestures, and how it made YOU feel - excited, wowed, inspired.  It didn't matter if that dancer was a newbie in an airport special or a grand master of the dance in a Madame Abla.  She was the epitome of beauty and magic to you.

As you started to take classes, the next time you saw a dancer, your focus was most likely on technique.  You were learning how hard certain movements can be, so the more difficult the moves on stage appeared to be, the more you were impressed.  Who cares what she did with her face or what she wore, did you see those amazing isolations???

When you started to tackle issues of costuming, suddenly you were paying a lot more attention to what other dancers were wearing.  What worked, what didn't worked. And how it could look on you! Who cares if it worked with the music or the moves?

When it's time for you to perform yourself, whether that's crafting a choreography, doing improv, or somewhere in between, and choosing music, you start to notice how other dancers put together their dances. You also start to notice how other people respond to those performances as well. You wonder how they may respond to YOU.

What style you learn also informs how you view a dance.  Human beings often feel more comfortable watching something they have familiarity with.  Something they can measure up as a "doing it right" or "doing it wrong." If you're totally unfamiliar with a style unlike the one you're learning, it may be difficult for you to enjoy because you lack a frame of reference, except you know it's not what YOU know.

When you truly learn what musicality is, and how to apply Arabic musical concepts to the movements, regardless of the style of music, you start seeing performances in a whole new light.  That excellent "technique" back from the early days might not make sense any more when he pops his chest to the "dum" or she does hip drops on the "tek".  You start to see folks dancing over their music, and you discover the amazing quality of breath and stillness.

When you start to understand stage presence and the value of deepened expression, you really begin to notice facial expression (or lack there of) - and when a dance says something to you as a whole, or leaves you cold. You get excited when you see a baby dancer truly enjoying herself, and find yourself on the verge of tears as a veteran of a dance  pulls from the depths of her heart and holds you in the palm of her hand - without a single "trick."

And lastly over time you learn that when you watch a dancer, you can't compare them to you or to anyone else  They are their own dancer with their own story, journey, and path to follow.  You enjoy that for what it is, and the only dancer you compare yourself to, is the dancer you used to be.

7 Keys to Finding Happiness in Bellydance

Less is More:  When it comes to dancing, less is more. Don't throw everything and the kitchen sink in there.  Remember to breathe, and remember to have breath. And not all of that statement is about air intake.

More is More: But when it comes to costuming, more is more. And not just your costume, don't forget stage appropriate make-up, hair, and accessories. BE SHINY.

Be inspired, but be you, which sounds easy but is very difficult.  Imitation is easy and short-lived.

There is always more to learn. If you think you have learned everything there is to know about bellydance, you're nowhere near the finish line (of which there isn't one anyway), and especially NOT BETTER than anyone else.

The One & Only Truth: For every "truth" in bellydance, there are at least 3 supporting facts and at least 3 facts that also disprove it. Culture is always in flux and history is full of nuance. If anyone says their way is the ONLY way, they're wrong. Move on. 

The most likely cause of losing your love for the dance doesn't come from within, it's almost always an external influence. Remove those influences and seek new inspirations, and you'll find a renewed sense of love. If you let others take the joy from you and you do nothing to change it, then in the end, it falls on you, not them.

Always wear underwear. Always. If it involves a stage or performing for anyone besides your cats...wear underwear.  I mean it. No butts.

Let's Cut the Crap, Kill the Cult, and Fix The Boat

The years of my career where I worried about what people thought of me were the worst: physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

I didn't get into bellydance for fortune or fame. I got into it because my soul called out for it. I remember attending a world music concert where the band did a short piece inspired by the Zar, and the ayyub rhythm sounded like the voice of a long-lost friend I never even knew I had.  The beauty and sensual power of the oriental dancers I would see live at the local restaurant  transformed and transfixed me. The images and VHS tapes I would soon see of Tribal dancers moving together sung out to my heart. The music, the movements, the cultures, the costuming, the mystique - it all spoke to me.

It also whispered to the little girl deep inside who never had any sisters and had a long line of "best friends" who ended up moving away, going to different schools, or were more concerned about stuff than actual friendship. It touched the bruised young woman who was too skinny and flat-chested, too smart, too much a tomboy, too weird, too artistic, too not interested enough in the popular, typical things. It wasn't that it promised her sisterhood, but it showed her women working together beautifully to make art in motion - and that was inspiring.

And I think that same whisper comes to many women (and men as well).  That not only does this dance offer all of the amazing history, music, movements, and culture AND a chance to foster self-esteem and self-expression, but it hints at a place that feels like home. It suggests a common language, a unique understanding, and a social ground for those who don't quite fit in.

"Welcome to the Toilet" brought up a few discussions that made me think about that promise and appeal. Several dancers talked about the feeling of being unwelcome and/or not a true part of the classes they were in or festivals that they attended - which was very sad and distressing to me.

Sure, you could suggest that maybe those individuals who found the classes/events unwelcoming just aren't good at socializing and it was all in their head - that it was them, not the teacher, the rest of the class, or the event itself. That perhaps they expect for the teacher to instantly be their buddy/friend or for there to be open arms at registration check-in. But I don't think that's fair nor accurate. Unfortunately some folks in certain positions have confused exclusive and inclusive - and forgot how to be welcoming to newcomers and others.

I think some people come into this dance to feel accepted, become empowered, and think that this is now their opportunity to make up for whatever slights they experienced in their youth. That now is their time to be "cool" and begin to structure classes, troupes, and events around that model.  Human beings are very social animals, so we naturally want to foster groups where we feel we belong - but the issue comes when we start to believe our group is the only/best/coolest/whatever group.  Those individuals end up re-creating the very scenario they felt slighted in from years ago. And then it stops being about the beauty and power of the dance, but whether or not anyone else "belongs."  The popular opinion of the perceived elite becomes almighty and a cult or clique is formed.

But one style is not "cooler" or "better" than another - we're all in the same boat.  Yet folks get hung up with being part of the "one true style." They want to feel that their style/group/troupe/event is THE best - but why? Being different doesn't equate to being wrong (or right). Your path is exactly your path, not anyone else's, and there's no way to compare it.  Dance isn't religion. And throwing around canon (yes) balls around only damages the boat we're all on.

I certainly wasn't prepared to handle a lot of what I experienced from around 2004-2009. I was muddling around doing this thing that was inspiring to me, and suddenly I was under the magnifying glasses of many people I didn't know, being told what I was doing wrong or right, how I met or didn't meet their expectations or definitions, what I should or shouldn't be doing, complete with sudden new best friends, advocates, frenemies, and adversaries. Dance stopped being so much about this beautiful exploration of culture and self, and about what other people wanted/didn't want. There were several times I seriously considered quitting dance altogether.

Then I re-discovered dance for myself, and what drew me to it in the first place. I found inspiration from within, as well as considered what it could mean for others and their own experience.  Most importantly, I stopped caring what "everyone" thought and found happiness in reaching across ALL the borders. Why be just be or think one way when you enjoy the diversity of many?

I have worked hard to make sure that my classes, events, and workshops have been and are welcoming for all.  We have joked that it's a bit like the Island of Misfit Toys, but I wouldn't have it any other way.  The dance should be available to everyone to learn and enjoy responsibly and safely. It's not about being cool or special or popular - it's about sharing the dance. We can do that across styles, genders, and origins - and have a fantastic journey together.

I'm pretty sure we all learned about sharing somewhere around kindergarten. So let's go back and remember those important lessons, kick out the high school behavior, and grow this dance in healthy, positive ways.

I will leave you with one of my favorite quotes from Groucho Marx who said,  "I don’t care to belong to any club that will have me as a member."